the playfulness
the giddiness
the child's delight
all have lost it's meaning
I can't use the word fun anymore
the death of a word
thrills seeker
kicks seeker
fun seeker
adulthood
fraught without
this word
meaningless
to a grown man
it's a tragic magic
that has been lost
gone
disappeared
all of what I used to call fun
makes me feel guilty
looking back
so I just won't use the word fun
out grown
getting stoned
out grown
the drink
left now with
sober time to think
Ashland Woods Morning
The Clever Innocence
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
"Turquoise House" By: Jim White
"Turquoise House"
I'll never fit in so why should I try?
How I'm I ever gonna pass for a normal guy?
I can't wear no suit and tie, gotta let my freak flag fly
If I walk the straight and narrow one more day I think I'll die
Because I wanna live in a turquoise house
With a turquoise garden and a turquoise yard
Drive around town in a turquoise car
Find a turquoise girl with a turquoise heart
Now faith is a riddle and love is a dream
Things are seldom what they seem
If you say your prayers at night and comb your hair just right
You might not feel like you're in hell but then again you might
Me, I wanna live in a turquoise house
With a turquoise garden and a turquoise yard
Drive around town in a turquoise car
Find a turquoise girl with a turquoise heart
I want turquoise carpets and turquoise shoes
Turquoise papers with all the turquoise news
Turquoise only, not teal or aquamarine
I've seen my future and it's a shade of blueish green
Now I can't turn back, there ain't no way
(He's going turquoise today)
When word gets out there'll be hell to pay
(He's going turquoise today)
This life's not for the faint
But you can't be what you ain't
I know I'll never truly be myself
Till I get me that turquoise paint
Because I wanna live in a turquoise house
With a turquoise garden and a turquoise yard
Drive around town in a turquoise car
Find a turquoise girl with a turquoise heart
I wanna live in a turquoise house
With a turquoise garden and a turquoise yard
Drive around town in a turquoise car
Find a turquoise girl with a turquoise heart
A turquoise girl with a turquoise heart
A turquoise girl in a turquoise dress
And a skirt and a shirt
That's covering up her turquoise heart
Fantasy Is Reality/Bells Toll For The Blind Faithful
looking for anything to believe in
lonesome blues looking for something to hold on to
alone and so small with delusional philosophy
suffering from paranoia and personal truths
living with a christ-like fantasy
bells toll for the blind but, faithful
a white funk of perverted beliefs of salvation
even when confronted with facts
confusing your pain with truth
beware of the knowers
beware of the preachers
beware of the ones who wear there faith on their sleeve
insanity is a formality
mania,lunacy,madness
the need to be free
I have learned there are many truths
yours & mine when dealing with mankind
the price is high
when knowing what happens when you die
hard to prove if it's the truth or a lie
So,I have to carry on
because,I don't want to be wrong
I am free of the need to be free
I,preserve the mystery
find Jesus on your own
in your own way
live for today
from the experience of living everyday
lonesome blues looking for something to hold on to
alone and so small with delusional philosophy
suffering from paranoia and personal truths
living with a christ-like fantasy
bells toll for the blind but, faithful
a white funk of perverted beliefs of salvation
even when confronted with facts
confusing your pain with truth
beware of the knowers
beware of the preachers
beware of the ones who wear there faith on their sleeve
insanity is a formality
mania,lunacy,madness
the need to be free
I have learned there are many truths
yours & mine when dealing with mankind
the price is high
when knowing what happens when you die
hard to prove if it's the truth or a lie
So,I have to carry on
because,I don't want to be wrong
I am free of the need to be free
I,preserve the mystery
find Jesus on your own
in your own way
live for today
from the experience of living everyday
“Mother, the Great Stones Got to Move”
by Lorna Goodison
Mother, one stone is wedged across the hole in our history
and sealed with blood wax.
In this hole is our side of the story, exact figures,
headcounts, burial artifacts, documents, lists, maps
showing our way up through the stars; lockets of brass
containing all textures of hair clippings.
It is the half that has never been told,
and some of us must tell it.
Mother, there is the stone on the hearts of some women and men
something like an onyx, cabochon-cut,
which hung on the wearer seeds bad dreams. Speaking for the small
dreamers of this earth, plagued with nightmares, yearning
for healing dreams
we want the stone to move.
Upon an evening like this, mother, when one year is making way
for another, in a ceremony attended by a show of silver stars,
mothers see moon, milk-fed, herself a nursing mother
and we think of our children and the stones upon their future
and we want these stones to move.
For the year going out came in fat at first
but toward the harvest it grew lean,
and many mouth corners gathered white
and another kind of poison, powdered white
was brought in to replace what was green,
And death sells it with one hand
and with the other death palms a gun
then death gets death’s picture
in the paper’s asking
“where does all this death come from?”
Mother, stones are pillows
for the homeless sleep on concrete sheets.
Stone flavors soup, stone is now meat,
the hard-hearted giving our children
stones to eat.
Mother, the great stones over mankind got to move,
It’s been ten thousand years we’ve been watching them now
from various points in the universe.
From the time of our birth as points of light
in the eternal coiled workings of the cosmos.
Roll away stone of poisoned powders come
to blot out the hope of our young.
Move stones of the sacrificial lives we breed
to feed to suicide god of tribalism.
From across the pathway to mount morning
site of the rose quartz fountain
brimming anise and star water
bright fragrant for our children’s future
Mother these great stones got to move.
Mother, one stone is wedged across the hole in our history
and sealed with blood wax.
In this hole is our side of the story, exact figures,
headcounts, burial artifacts, documents, lists, maps
showing our way up through the stars; lockets of brass
containing all textures of hair clippings.
It is the half that has never been told,
and some of us must tell it.
Mother, there is the stone on the hearts of some women and men
something like an onyx, cabochon-cut,
which hung on the wearer seeds bad dreams. Speaking for the small
dreamers of this earth, plagued with nightmares, yearning
for healing dreams
we want the stone to move.
Upon an evening like this, mother, when one year is making way
for another, in a ceremony attended by a show of silver stars,
mothers see moon, milk-fed, herself a nursing mother
and we think of our children and the stones upon their future
and we want these stones to move.
For the year going out came in fat at first
but toward the harvest it grew lean,
and many mouth corners gathered white
and another kind of poison, powdered white
was brought in to replace what was green,
And death sells it with one hand
and with the other death palms a gun
then death gets death’s picture
in the paper’s asking
“where does all this death come from?”
Mother, stones are pillows
for the homeless sleep on concrete sheets.
Stone flavors soup, stone is now meat,
the hard-hearted giving our children
stones to eat.
Mother, the great stones over mankind got to move,
It’s been ten thousand years we’ve been watching them now
from various points in the universe.
From the time of our birth as points of light
in the eternal coiled workings of the cosmos.
Roll away stone of poisoned powders come
to blot out the hope of our young.
Move stones of the sacrificial lives we breed
to feed to suicide god of tribalism.
From across the pathway to mount morning
site of the rose quartz fountain
brimming anise and star water
bright fragrant for our children’s future
Mother these great stones got to move.
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Don't Be A Drag,Bee A Queen- Lady Gaga's Brand of Idealism
After watching the Lady Gaga Special on HBO the other night this mix started.As djtrish would say the creative engines revved up.I was not really buying what she was selling but,I have heard that kind of philosophy about being yourself that the young people seem to love.I don't like what she said about not liking the truth.I don't think a person in charge of the minds young people is setting a good example.The truth will always be a salvation in my life.Enjoy!
- Ween- Mister Richard Smoker
- Frank Zappa- Bobby Brown Goes Down
- Marianne Faithfull- Sunny Goodge Street
- Glee Cast- Candyman
- Uncle Bonsai- Penis Envy
- Lou Reed- Take A Walk On The Wild Side
- Lady Gaga- Born This Way
- The Rolling Stones- Star Star
- Sly & The Family Stone- Loose Booty
- Funkadelic- Loose Booty
- Funkadelic- Jimmy's Got A Little Bit Of Bitch In Him
- Willy Wonka- The Candy Man
- Patrick Sky- Candy Man
- Gil Scott-Heron- The Subject Was Faggots
- Erin McKeown- Born to Hum
- R.E.M- Shiny Happy People
- The Cure- Boys' Don't Cry
- Israel Kamakawiwo'ole- Somewhere Over The Rainbow
- Mary Gauthier- Drag Queen In Limousines
- The Kinks- Lola
- Kermit- Rainbow Connection
My Life
This is a christmas present for my grandparents.I love them.I can't listen to Hello In There without a tear.It's a long way off but,I know that feeling today.I want to them to know that I know what it means to be lonesome.Learning lessons each day and the teacher is time.I have saved some time to dream.I hope they will too.
Dave Van Ronk's Green,Green Rocky Road is my theme song.Powerful with his delivery.I want to sing and play that song when I get old.Thanks Dave! Wherever your soul may be.You have comforted me for a little while.Enjoy!
My Life
By: Iris Dement
My life, it don't count for nothing.
When I look at this world, I feel so small.
My life, it's only a season:
A passing September that no one will recall.
But I gave joy to my mother.
And I made my lover smile.
And I can give comfort to my friends when they're hurting.
And I can make it seem better for a while.
My life, it's half the way travelled,
And still I have not found my way out of this night.
An' my life, it's tangled in wishes,
And so many things that just never turned out right.
But I gave joy to my mother.
And I made my lover smile.
And I can give comfort to my friends when they're hurting.
And I can make it seem better,
I can make it seem better,
I can make it seem better for a while.
Oh, oh oh.
Oh oh.
- Iris Dement- My Life
- Simon & Garfunkel- Old Friends
- John Prine- Hello in There [Live]
- Seasick Steve- It's A Long Long Way
- The Beatles- When I'm Sixty-Four
- Tom Waits- Martha
- Mary Gauthier- The Last Of The Hobo Kings [ (10-13-07 BBC4 Loose Ends)]
- John Prine- Angel from Montgomery [Live]
- Gillian Welch- Summer Evening
- John Prine- Paradise [Live]
- Hazel Dickens- Mama's Hand
- Iris Dement- Mama's Opry
- Chatham County Line- WSM (650)
- Ola Belle Reed- I’ve Endured
- Dave Van Ronk- Green, Green Rocky Road
- Peter Case- Beyond The Blues
- Greg Brown- Lord, I Have Made You a Place in My Heart
- Earl Scruggs- Passin' Thru
- Bob Dylan- Sign on the Window
- Jerry Jeff Walker- One Too Many Mornings
My Life- Iris Dement
My life, it don't count for nothing.
When I look at this world, I feel so small.
My life, it's only a season:
A passing September that no one will recall.
But I gave joy to my mother.
And I made my lover smile.
And I can give comfort to my friends when they're hurting.
And I can make it seem better for a while.
My life, it's half the way travelled,
And still I have not found my way out of this night.
An' my life, it's tangled in wishes,
And so many things that just never turned out right.
But I gave joy to my mother.
And I made my lover smile.
And I can give comfort to my friends when they're hurting.
And I can make it seem better,
I can make it seem better,
I can make it seem better for a while.
Oh, oh oh.
Oh oh.
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Cheers- If I Drank,I Would Be Alone
No I don't drink anymore.I miss the idea of going somewhere were everyone knows my name.I miss it sometimes,drinking to have a good time all in the name of good clean fun.The power of positive drinking.As,you may be able to tell from my poem,life is not what it used to be.I changed.My whole idea of freedom means something different to me now.My mental health isn't so good but,I have hope in my abilities,my skills and my truths.Telling strangers personal things.I am free.
I grew up watching Cheers with my mother's boyfriends.I never had a dad.So I ended up working as a dishwasher in the bar and restaurant of my youth.Almost,everyone drank. From the Bartenders to the Waitress' and the Cooks were proud of being social creatures.I am dreadfully shy and was viewed as sullen and quiet.I will always remember the good people I did come in contact with.I always had a childish vision of what heaven was like,it is like working in the bar everyone playing a part.I pictured those people in heaven.Me meeting them again in heaven. Camaraderie was very powerful to a young man's mind.Enjoy!
- G. Portnoy & J. Hart Angelo- Cheers ('Where Everybody Knows Your Name')
- Billy Joel- Piano Man
- John Lee Hooker- One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer
- Regina Spektor- Summer In The City
- Eight To The Bar- Jersey Girl
- Derroll Adams- 24 Hour Day
- The Rolling Stones- Country Honk
- Minor Threat- Out Of Step
- Pokey LaFarge- Keep Your Hands Off My Gal
- Tom Waits- Saturday Night Fish Fry/Pasties And A G-String
- Frank Sinatra- Drinking Again
- Joe Jackson- 'Round Midnight
- Dave Van Ronk- Candyman
- Jack Elliott- Ain't It a Shame
- Tom Waits- Goin' Down Slow
- John Prine- Yes I Guess They Oughta Name A Drink After You
- Simon Joyner- My Life Is Sweet
- George Waldrop- Suicidal Ideation Blues
Suicidal Ideation Blues
negative affirmations
suicidal ideation
it doesn't help to hide
thoughts of suicide
feelings of crippled inside
out of step with the world
oh,how I've tried to hide
not to let those thoughts gain ground
traumatic stress
psychosis
paranoia
the many deaths I've died
breaking my heart
worrying my mind
out of step with the world
no matter what you think
about suicide
makes my heart sink
because,I have come so far
apartment & car
support from my therapist
listening
when my emotions twist
out of step with the world
only I can tell
when I'm not sleeping well
in a living hell
I am not feeling well
not to let those thoughts gain ground
when my heart pounds
suicidal thoughts
slip and drop down
fight the loneliness
and the pain abounds
left with the post traumatic stress
out of step with the world
when my heart pounds
from thinking those thoughts
not to let those thoughts gain ground
forgetting all of my truths
positive affirmations
the facts I use
when I am talking
in therapy
when I am making the connections
getting under the surface
the exterior boundary
of me
my problems
out of step with the world
trouble is I see to much
only believing in things
I can see & touch
ruled by my feelings
oh,how feelings change
comes the joy
comes the pain
the good don't last as long
believe in god and be strong
creator
ruler
fate unfurled
in this sad
in this beautiful
world
suicidal ideation
it doesn't help to hide
thoughts of suicide
feelings of crippled inside
out of step with the world
oh,how I've tried to hide
not to let those thoughts gain ground
traumatic stress
psychosis
paranoia
the many deaths I've died
breaking my heart
worrying my mind
out of step with the world
no matter what you think
about suicide
makes my heart sink
because,I have come so far
apartment & car
support from my therapist
listening
when my emotions twist
out of step with the world
only I can tell
when I'm not sleeping well
in a living hell
I am not feeling well
not to let those thoughts gain ground
when my heart pounds
suicidal thoughts
slip and drop down
fight the loneliness
and the pain abounds
left with the post traumatic stress
out of step with the world
when my heart pounds
from thinking those thoughts
not to let those thoughts gain ground
forgetting all of my truths
positive affirmations
the facts I use
when I am talking
in therapy
when I am making the connections
getting under the surface
the exterior boundary
of me
my problems
out of step with the world
trouble is I see to much
only believing in things
I can see & touch
ruled by my feelings
oh,how feelings change
comes the joy
comes the pain
the good don't last as long
believe in god and be strong
creator
ruler
fate unfurled
in this sad
in this beautiful
world
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